This is an exclusive notebook written by a chronic marijuana smoker who passed each and every UA while on parole. This notebook is filled with facts and empirical data on how to get clean for any random UA.

Learn how drugs are stored and metabolized in the body, how to strengthen the liver’s ability to metabolize drugs, which vitamin must be taken for proper fueling of the body’s detox system, how the body changes fat-soluble toxins to water-soluble toxins and how to speed up this process, which type of niacin (there are two types) to take and why. You’ll also learn how to utilize clay, cayenne, saunas, and bicycles.

Giving Props

I thank the Almighty Love for my life and His Word. I thank my very good friend Brian who pushes tin while making other plans. Brian is a sage whom I’ve known for many years, been on many adventures with, lost absolute contact with and by entirely fluke circumstance, reconnected. Thank you Brian for chess games across the United States, bike rides across the Dumbarton Bridge, and the room in your home while I finished my first book. Ace bicycle mechanic Aaron for smoking so many bowlfuls of “bike parts” with me, getting us lap dances at the Glitter Gulch in Las Vegas, and for winning the showcase on The Price is Right. Adam for having me over to watch the Islanders, barbecuing the animals you hunted, and smoking hundreds of bong hits of KB with me. My big brother Chris for being a good guy (even if he is a Rangers fan). Dennis for the VW bus, burning many fat joints with me while we were on parole, and being a second confirmation of my conclusions regarding detoxification for drug tests. Ian for intense mountain bike riding on the 4th of July, many beers together at Mountain Sun, and smoking milky bong hits of sticky icky with me. Robbie and Meg for letting me move in when I needed a place to stay and often smoking da kine with me. Last but certainly not least, my good friend “The Professor” who made this book possible and was a pimp with a huge afro at a Halloween party. Doctor Kindler and I also thank our families, all the many unmentioned friends, our dogs, alternative transportation advocates, and our musical friends Dr. Medicali, Slightly Stoopid, Jaya the Cat.

How This Book Happened

It wasn’t as if I had the ultimate scheme that when I got out of prison I was going to smoke as much weed as I wanted to and think that I would pass all my drug tests. I had actually planned on staying sober my entire parole. When I got out from behind the walls I knew very little about drug tests and even less about being on parole. Therefore, I was not gonna smoke weed. I was not gonna drink vodka. I was not gonna deal drugs. I was not gonna hang around strip clubs throwing my cash at naked girls. I was going to change. I was going to be a Boy Scout.

I stayed at an ex-girlfriend’s house that first night out. Her name is Hayley and she’s a stripper. She had gotten a fantastic boob job while I was locked up. Hayley looked hot. She offered me some bong hits of green bud and shots of Kettle One as soon as I showed up at 2:00 a.m. It was a long ride on the dog across the Rocky Mountains and I was tired. And I really wanted to get out of those geeky prison-release clothes that had me looking like a Mormon missionary.

Regardless, right away I was lookin’ at Hayley’s perfect tits. She barely had me in the door and was doing a little strip tease as she asked, “How do you like ‘em?”

Sexy Hayley with beautiful straight blond hair and stunning green eyes was caressing each gravity-defying melon with her delicate fingers and I’m-a-total-slut-for-you long red nails. Her nipples made me forget my own name as she twisted each one with her thumb and forefinger. Hayley had my full attention when she coaxed me with, “Play with my big tits” and pushed her fine rack right into my face.

How cool was this! Kind green bud, expensive vodka, and a magnificent set of tits that would stop traffic on a freeway for miles. My three most favorite things. All for me. And I’m just out of prison only nine hours ago.

But then I thought about being on parole. I foresaw my PO ordering me to take a piss test at my first meeting with him. I envisioned being sent back only one week after I got out, looking like a total fool. I figured going back to prison right away would absolutely suck. So I said, “No thank you” to the green bud and vodka. And I didn’t sell her any drugs. 3 out of 4 ain’t bad.

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Monday norning was a major shock. My PO didn’t piss test me. My PO didn’t piss test me for almost nine months. I’m in Boulder, Colorado so of course I started smoking weed. (This is a town that smokes so much marijuana there was actually a bicycle shop with the name Dooby’s. It was known as THE KIND & friendly bicycle shop. I kid you not.)

Eventually I got drug tested. But I didn’t get busted so I figured I passed. More drug tests. More passed. Or so I thought. Found out, I thought right. I was getting away with it. I was figuring out drug testing at the time when the laboratories had just begun using refined countermeasures to catch all the stoner scams. So I was able to learn what the labs were checking before the cops really understood it themselves. I accomplished beating UA’s with rapid detoxification methods, keeping physically active, eating certain foods, and drinking tea.

I didn’t try to fool or cheat the UA and risk getting busted. Nor did I waste money on an expensive flush drink that really just has me drink a lot of water. I studied everything regarding detoxification, marijuana, and urinalysis testing. I consulted with my friend Doctor Kindler. No less than 14 individual and random times I cleansed my body entirely of THC metabolites overnight and on one occasion, in one afternoon.

If I failed a drug test I was going back to prison. Not getting a job or even losing a job is not as severe as going back to prison. I had to pass each and every drug test. And I did. My book details the precautions I took and the information I learned to rapidly cleanse myself of THC for a random urinalysis.

Introductions

The fact that this book was written by a chronic pot smoker who was forced to submit to 14 random drug tests due to conditions of his parole, collaborating with a doctor of chemistry, allows the reader to have knowledge of drug testing that is not available anywhere else. With their combined 23 years of experience ranging from actual practice to post-graduate research the reader gains extensive and proven knowledge on drugs, drug tests, metabolites, physiology, and detoxification for drug tests; specifically marijuana and tests for THC metabolites.

Doctor Herb Kindler:

Dr. Kindler holds a B.S. degree in biochemistry and a Ph.D. in analytical chemistry. His bachelor’s degree was obtained, Magna Cum Laude, from an American Chemical Society accredited liberal arts school in southwestern Colorado. This curriculum of study included advanced courses in subjects including human anatomy and physiology, cellular and molecular biology, and instrumental analysis methods. Dr. Kindler went on to obtain his Ph.D. from a university west of the Mississippi in analytical chemistry and has written extensively on the detection and analysis of drug residues in the human body. Dr. Kindler is gainfully employed by the United States Federal Government. This was all accomplished while smoking marijuana on an almost daily basis.

Kenn A Biscranium:

Kenn bicycled by himself across the entire United States, twice. And is a willing participant of smoking pot on any occasion. He was also monitored under court jurisdiction for five years and was never hot on any of his drug tests.

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